Gay says she didn’t begin to truly confront her past until she was in her thirties. In order to survive, we fit ourselves into the world because the world rarely sees or adapts to survivors.īut gaining weight and developing a difficult relationship to food never truly addressed the underlying trauma. Reclaiming one’s own body, in whatever way that may manifest, is a response to the initial and the reoccurring trauma of assault. Sexual assault is not about sex, but about power. This desire to regain control of one’s own limbs after a traumatic incident. I also thought boys don’t like fat girls.” “I definitely thought, if I’m bigger, I’ll be safer because I’ll be able to fight those boys better.
For Gay, trauma manifested in a deliberate manipulation and transformation of her own body into a size she once believed would deter the lasciviousness of predatory young men.
